If you’re here, chances are you’ve been in a relationship that left you feeling confused, heartbroken, and maybe even ashamed for still missing someone who hurt you.
Hi, I’m Anna Cleary, a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern here at Seven Oaks Therapy, and I want you to know you’re not alone. One of the most painful parts of healing from a narcissistic relationship is grieving the potential, not just the person.
What You Hoped For vs. What Actually Happened
In the beginning, they may have mirrored your hopes, made big promises, or shown glimpses of emotional connection that felt real.
That version of the relationship, the one filled with potential, is what your heart became attached to. And when the mask fell, the emotional withdrawal, the manipulation, the gaslighting, it didn’t just hurt. It created deep confusion.
You weren’t just losing a partner. You were losing the dream. And that deserves to be grieved.
So if you find yourself thinking:
- “But it was so good in the beginning…”
- “I saw who they could be…” or
- “I miss what we almost had…”
Take a deep breath. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
3 Tips to Help You Start Letting Go of the Illusion
1. Name the Pattern, Not Just the Person
Write down the actual behaviors you experienced. For example:
- “He said he loved me, but constantly lied.”
- “She only showed up when she needed something.”
This helps your brain separate the emotional high from the unhealthy reality.
2. Say Goodbye to the Fantasy
You may need to grieve what will never be. Try writing a letter just for you. In it, say goodbye not to the person, but to the illusion:
- “I’m letting go of the hope that they will change.”
- “I’m releasing the version of them I created in my mind.”
Burn it, shred it, or tuck it away. But let it go.
3. Reclaim Your Own Potential
The love, loyalty, and vision you gave to them? It was real, and it’s still yours to give.
Begin asking:
- “What would it look like to give that energy back to myself?”
- “What dreams do I want to move toward now?”
The Role of Therapy in Healing
Letting go of what could have been is one of the hardest emotional processes we face, especially when narcissistic behavior leaves us second-guessing what was real.
In therapy, we make space for your grief without rushing it. We unpack the illusion with compassion.
You don’t have to keep grieving alone, or wondering what went wrong. You deserve support from someone who sees the full picture, not just the parts you’ve been made to question.
If you’re ready to start healing, I invite you to schedule an appointment with me today. Let’s work together to reclaim your peace, your clarity, and your sense of self.