Many couples struggle to feel connected, especially when daily stress, responsibilities, and life’s challenges take priority over their relationship.
Over time, even small moments of disconnection can create emotional distance, leaving partners feeling unheard, unappreciated, or even lonely.
Hi, I’m Heather Parton, a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at Seven Oaks Therapy. I specialize in working with couples using evidence-based approaches to help them strengthen their relationships.
In this article, we’ll talk about something that can transform your marriage in simple yet powerful ways—small moments of connection.
Many couples believe that keeping love alive requires grand gestures, but research from Drs. John and Julie Gottman shows that strong marriages are actually built on everyday interactions—what they call ‘bids for connection.’
So What Are Bids for Connection?
Bids for connection are small moments where one partner reaches out for emotional connection, and the other either responds (turns toward) or ignores (turns away). These moments might seem insignificant, but they are the foundation of a strong relationship.
Think about this: When your spouse says, ‘Hey, look at this funny meme!’ or ‘Wow, the sunset looks beautiful tonight,’ how do you respond? Do you stop and engage, or do you brush it off?
The Gottmans found that couples who consistently ‘turn toward’ each other in these small moments have stronger, more resilient relationships. In fact, their research shows that the happiest couples respond positively to their partner’s bids about 86% of the time, while struggling couples respond only about 33% of the time.
Why Do Small Moments Matter?
Marriage isn’t built in one big moment—it’s built in the thousands of small choices you make every day. Each time you turn toward your spouse’s bid for connection, you’re reinforcing emotional intimacy and trust.
In a faith-based marriage, this aligns beautifully with Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” One way we can live this out in marriage is by simply being present and responsive to our spouse’s attempts to connect.
How Do You Strengthen Your Marriage Through Small Moments?
You don’t have to be perfect—you just have to be intentional. Here are three simple ways to start applying this concept today:
- Pause for five seconds before dismissing your spouse’s attempt at connection—take a moment to engage.
- Make eye contact and respond warmly at least three times today when your spouse speaks.
- Ask a simple follow-up question when your spouse shares something with you to show you’re listening.
These small actions can make a big difference in deepening your emotional connection over time.
So, if you and your spouse feel disconnected, the good news is that it’s not too late to rebuild your bond. Simple shifts in how you respond to each other can bring back closeness and trust.
At Seven Oaks Therapy, we specialize in helping couples strengthen their relationship through practical, research-backed strategies. If you’re ready to invest in your marriage and learn more about how counseling can help, reach out to us today. We’d love to walk alongside you on this journey.