If you’re trying to co-parent with someone who shows narcissistic traits, someone who manipulates, gaslights, or turns everything into a power struggle, I want you to hear this first:
You’re not imagining things. And no, it shouldn’t be this hard.
Hi, I’m Anna Cleary, a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern here at Seven Oaks Therapy and I’m here to tell you that you can co-parent without losing your peace or your sanity.
Today, I want to share some tools that can help.
Co-parenting with a narcissist rarely feels like a partnership. It might feel more like:
- Constant drama around schedules or drop-offs.
- Being blamed for everything.
- Having your parenting undermined in front of your kids.
- Being used emotionally through the children.
Sound familiar? This isn’t just stressful, it can be emotionally draining and deeply triggering, especially if you’re trying to heal from past trauma.
So what can you do when you can’t go “no contact”?
Here are three tools you can use right now:
1. Use BIFF Responses
Keep communication Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. Don’t argue, defend, or explain. Respond only to what’s necessary.
Example:
Instead of: “You always do this. Why can’t you be on time?”
Say: “The pickup time is 3:00. Please confirm.”
You’re not cold, you’re establishing boundaries.
2. Parallel Parent Instead of Co-Parent
You may not be able to parent as a team, but you can parent effectively in your own home.
Focus on what’s in your control:
- Your values
- Your rules
- Your emotional tone
Let go of trying to “correct” their behavior. Model stability for your child instead.
3. Keep a Communication Record
Use a co-parenting app such as OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents to document all interactions. Why? It protects you, helps you stay factual, and gives you clarity if things escalate legally or emotionally.
I know how exhausting this can be, trying to stay calm while being provoked, trying to protect your child while navigating manipulation, and trying to heal while still being pulled back into chaos.
You weren’t meant to do this alone.
How Therapy Can Help
In therapy, we create space for you to:
- Process the grief of the relationship ending
- Strengthen boundaries without guilt
- Learn emotional regulation for high-conflict situations
- Stay grounded, for yourself and your children
And most importantly: to help you reconnect with your confidence as a mother, and your identity as a woman apart from the manipulation.
If you’re ready to feel more empowered and less reactive in your co-parenting journey, I invite you to schedule an appointment with me today. Let’s work together to protect your peace and support your healing one step at a time.